Chasing Clarity, Missing Presence
For years, I tried to find my calling with God like it was a five-step plan. Identify the values. Name your gifts. Write the mission statement. Map the vision. Hit the milestones. Repeat. And if I couldn’t see the full path from one to five? I assumed I was failing.
Even as a Christian, it’s easy to assume that being busy in church or ministry automatically means we’re following God’s will. I fell into that trap myself. I called it “Martha mode”—running from task to task, checking boxes, helping where I could, thinking all that hustle proved I was on track. But all that doing didn’t bring the peace or clarity I was searching for.
Here’s the real problem: I was chasing clarity without ever really sitting with God. I was doing good things—but my heart wasn’t fully alive in them.
Sound familiar?
Let me share what I wish I’d learned earlier:
- Mandate is the foundation. It never changes: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind” (Matthew 22:37). Before anything else, you are called to be His.
- Calling —it’s how God uniquely wired you to reflect Him in the world.
- Assignments are seasonal. They’re the projects, jobs, or ministries that shift with time.
I didn’t always get that order right. For years, I was living like Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Busy, productive, “serving” God. I said yes to roles because someone asked, or because no one else would, but I wasn’t really being with Him. And like Martha, I missed the better part.
When It All Fell Apart (and God showed up)
A few years ago, everything started to unravel. Within months, I endured a heartbreak, lost my mom to cancer, walked through the pandemic, and buried my grief in work. Church became an occasional stop instead of a home. God was still in the picture, but my my faith felt distant.
I drifted—doing what I thought I was “supposed” to do but feeling empty inside. I had ideas about my calling, yet I couldn’t see the way forward. And honestly, I didn’t think I was worthy of fulfilling it.
Then, one night, I had a dream. Nothing dramatic—just a spark. But it stirred something deep inside me. It reminded me that the God I had pushed aside was still pursuing me. He wasn’t finished with my story.
That dream became the turning point.
Leaning into Him felt terrifying. As I did, things around me started to shift—some for the better, others shaking everything comfortable. The challenge became clear: Would I stay in the familiar rhythm of life, or trust Him into the unknown?
Eventually, I chose the unknown. I walked away from a career that looked secure on paper.
The Better Order of Calling
Since then, it’s been a journey of unlearning and rebuilding. God began to confront my fears, my doubts, and the lies I didn’t know I believed. He showed me who I truly am in Him. He reminded me of the authority I have through Christ.
Most of all, He’s been teaching me to simply be with Him—to sit in His presence, to receive His love, and to listen for the Spirit’s voice.
Here’s what I’ve learned, and what I’m still learning: before any assignment, before even your sense of calling—you have a mandate. To be His and to let His love actually reach the places you’ve tried to hide.
When you start there, everything else begins to makes sense.
- Assignments will shift, but you don’t get lost in them.
- Calling becomes clearer, but your worth was settled long before it.
- Mandate anchors it all.
So if you’re feeling lost in your calling, maybe the invitation isn’t to do more—but to be more present with Him.
Here’s my challenge for you: Where have you been chasing calling or assignments before first resting in your mandate? Take one intentional moment this week to sit at His feet—no agenda, no checklist—just to be with Him. See what shifts.
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